A TOAST!

Today, Saturday, August 22nd, 2009, our dear friends Liz and Chris will be wed in holy matrimony.

A toast to the happy couple and a wish that their days and years be filled with joy, absent of tears and that they find in each other exactly what they need.

Even if you don't know Liz and Chris, raise a glass today in their honor...they deserve it.

We're 10.5 hours ahead, so I can say the future looks bright for them.


Delhi...OUT!!!

The Things that Make you Go "Hmmmm...?"

In preparation for the 2010 Goodwill Games, hosted by India and held in Delhi, the government has begun an expansive beautification and un-F-ification of New Delhi project, which includes:

• The addition and construction of roadways, overpasses and cloverleafs (pedestrians, bicycles, tuck-tucks, hand-bikes and wheelbarrows will still be permitted to run tandem to fast-moving cars, trucks and decorated dump trucks)
• The beautification of city streets and medians (to include the addition of shrubbery, the removal of standing pools of "stink-water" that attract malaria-laden mosquitoes, and the insistence that citizens quit being run over by large buses b/c carcasses always stain and carcass removal is very expensive)
• the addition of street signs (b/c up until now, Delhi's citizens were required to arrive at any destination only after hours of trial and error)

Julie and I, after seconds of discussion, also propose the following "improvements" before the Goodwill Games commence:

• All citizens must refrain from urinating and defecating on the roadside of major thoroughfares and travel ways (side streets and alleyways will now be used for this purpose, or at least more so) (this law applies to males and females equally, if only to avoid a charge of sexism)
• All citizens must refrain from exposing their "junk" on the roadside of major thoroughfares and travel ways (while this problem will likely be addressed with the elimination of urination and defecation (see above), we think it important to address it separately - we'd hate to think a citizen were able to find a loophole when it comes to something like this)
• Perhaps finally (at least for now), we suggest that police officers quit holding hands (while male-male hand-holding is nothing unusual in India - and we're certainly not judging - we just think that two grown men, sworn to uphold the law and protect the citizenry, should carry themselves with a certain amount of gravitas and professionalism...they can hold hands all they like "off the clock")

Delhi...OUT!!!

Same, Same...

A real buzz-kill for any "blogger" is routine. Life here is now as life was in D.C...usual. This is nice, but it doesn't make for an interesting blog, does it? Rhetorical, but in case you actually didn't know the answer...it's NO. It does not make for an interesting blog.

I suppose though, just as you'll never step twice into the same river (thanks, Heraclitus), even the usual life is never truly the same as it was a moment before. We've been busy...I, with work and more work and official visits and looking cool, and Julie/the kids with a recent trip back to the U.S.of.A.

India is now, for all intents and purposes, home. This fact is only occasionally depressing. We do enjoy India, except when we don't. It was the same in D.C., though, and I imagine it's the same for everyone, everywhere (except for John Henderson in Cleveland, Ohio...I hear he just loves it, all the time!) We're settled and comfortable (except when we're not - 120 Degrees, 120 % Humidity... this combination may actually only be possible here in Delhi). We've stumbled across routine...have identified our favorite restaurants, have identified which restaurants we'll never go to again (having once been a 'favorite'), have identified, for the most part, what activities to do when based on the kids' moods, our moods, the traffic, the heat and the typical small aggravations that come with doing most anything here in Delhi.

We're planning a vacation for October...a secretive, awesome vacation somewhere secretive and awesome. Frankly, I need to get out of Delhi. In the meantime, we'll try to hop down to Agra, snap a picture in front of the Taj Mahal...check that box. Word is, that's what the Taj visit is, a photo op, nothing more. A very important photo op, however, so we'll make the journey and strike a pose in front of one of the seven wonders of the world (assuming they haven't revised the list...replaced the Taj with something a tad more "wondrous"...after all, the Taj is just one really big coffin). Anywho, when the trip is said and done, we'll be sure to post pictures.

Olivia and Eli are back to school and they're both very excited. Olivia has started 1st grade. 1st...fricking...grade. She's losing teeth left and right (and not b/c of Eli). She's growing and learning and everyday she's more beautiful (takes after Julie, thankfully...or not, we'll see when she's in high school). Eli is, essentially, The Man. Not the oppressive "Man," mind you, but THE Man. He's developing quite the personality, has been for some time...so maybe it's better said he's honing it to a fine point.

Alise has sprouted two full-on, honest-to-goodness, bottom teeth, and one tooth has popped along the top. She crawls around the house drooling, like a miniature Saint Bernard. She's pretty quick now and knows just where to go, just what to do, to scare us shitless, when an opportunity presents itself. Like her siblings, Alise too is a mischievous sprite...we're pretty certain she knows exactly what she's doing and will often flash us a wicked grin as we bound toward her, yelling "Alise, get down...Alise, get that out of your mouth...Alise, please quit trying to re-wire that socket." She can stand now, balance all by herself...but she's not walking. She'll stand for a moment and then return to a kimchee squat, a genetic gift.

Proud Parent diatribe has concluded.

Well...completely unsatisfied, huh? Like you just ate Tofu? Waiting all this time for an update and this is what I write? Really? Really?!?!

Yep. Afraid so.

Delhi...OUT!!!

-- Place Julie's Blog Here --

Why has there been a delay in reporting, you ask? Why have our fans had to wait so long? well, let me tell you...

So, I says to Julie..."Julie," I says, "the people want to hear from you, they want your perspective, they want your thoughts, your words, your wisdom"...so she said. . . ."Sure, Owen, I'll get right on that between getting the kids ready for summer school, entertaining Alise, picking the kids up from summer school, feeding them lunch, working, getting dinner ready, feeding the family dinner, cleaning up after dinner, getting the kids bathed, putting the kids to bed, doing four more hours of really stupid work because my boss sucks. . . sure, I'll get right on that blog entry." So then I says, "Blah, blah, blah...write, woman, write!!!!"

So, here I am writing the most recent blog entry, the long-awaited blog entry, the newest from Tales Turner. We've been living life, nothing spectacular to report, nothing earth-shattering.

I was in Chennai for work in early June...it was like Delhi, only farther south and a touch quieter. Chennai, formerly known as Madras, is on the southeast coast of India, on the Bay of Bengal, and is known for its stretch of beach...the world's longest. In addition to being the world's longest, it is also the world's dirtiest and the most depressing. Al Gore and Leo DiCaprio, upon seeing this beach, would throw their respective hands to the air in exasperation and concede defeat with "To Hell with it all!" They would then drive off in a Hummer, spraying Hair Net out the window, on their way to a Baby Seal Clubbing event. So, no, I didn't spend much time at the beach. Meanwhile, back at the Bat Cave, Julie carted Olivia and Eli off to summer school every morning, giving herself three hours of quiet everyday. It's never fun spending time apart, so I was thankful to get home after three weeks.

Olivia and Eli have continued their summer school...Olivia has become quite the swimmer and is becoming a math-whiz, like her mom. Alise is speed-crawling and starting to cruise...she's also sporting two new teeth. Eli's artwork is worthy of accolades and he recently shaved his head like daddy...for an entirely different reason, though...he isn't balding (yet). It's just sooooo damn hot here...122 Degrees this weekend, in the shade. I wish I were exaggerating. Needless to say, Julie and the kids are looking forward to their trip back to the States this next week, looking forward to the 90-Degree heat....sweet relief.

All is well here in Delhi. Julie and I had a fancy Kashmiri dinner last night with some fancy people. It also came with a fancy price tag. It was an experience though, and experiences are worth it. The kids, though really looking forward to seeing Grammie/Poppy & Grandma/Grandpa, are settled in well here. They have their favorite things to do, they know the routes to all the malls, to all the markets and they're still amazed by the numerous wandering Brahma Bulls and Marauding Monkeys.

No recent travel outside of Delhi (not counting the day-trip to Sohna where we visited some friends at a Resort & Spa - by some stroke of luck they'd received an upgrade to the Presidential Suite, complete with it's own pool. It was SICK (which the hip kids tell me means "Rad.")).

So, anywho...not much left to update. We're presently mourning the loss of Michael Jackson or at least the Michael Jackson we remember from the 80s and early 90s, before he went really batshit. I remember roller skating at Skate Town to Thriller and Bad...I remember watching his videos on MTV. I also remember listening to the Jackson Five classics on the radio...I suppose most people have the same or similar memories. Shame his talent was overshadowed by the life that became a freakshow-roadshow. R.I.P. Michael Jackson. I know celebrities usually go in 3's...I'm really hoping Swayze toughs it out as long as possible. I'm not sure the 80s/90s can take another hit. Sure, there's The Outsiders, Red Dawn, Ghost....classics. What about Roadhouse, Next of Kin and Black Dog?!? Okay, not Black Dog or the one where he dressed in drag...but definitely Roadhouse and Next of Kin...remember Liam Neeson in Next of Kin? Awesome!

Anywho... I apologize if we've been kinda quiet...and I apologize in advance if nothing new comes for a bit after this. With Julie and the kids in the States, the next blog might read, "Woke. Worked. Worked-out. Wept. Went to bed." Repeat. Don't pity me though...don't. At least I'll have this ratty street dog to look after while they're away...ughhh.

Delhi...OUT!!!!

Prima Donna

Someday, perhaps someday, our Olivia will be dancing at the Met...or its equivalent in Paris, London or Moscow (I'm new to the world of Ballet). Last night was maybe the first of many nights...we fought Olivia into her tu-tu (performance anxiety), Olivia's hair was done, we gussied ourselves up, I fetched the post-recital flowers and we were off to the Ballet!
Julie had to drag Olivia into the auditorium kicking and screaming (I was the "driver"). Once inside, Julie and Olivia bumped into Eva and Carolina, our friends from Rishikesh. Olivia looks up to Carolina, and so together with Carolina, and the application of mass amounts of make-up, Olivia struck up the courage to dance across the stage.

We filmed the recital, so if we can figure it we'll post some footage here. Olivia was brilliant, and that's just not a father's exaggeration. Her teacher and on-lookers have said "Olivia is frickin' amazing and will someday be THE Prima Ballerina!" (In so many words) Seriously, she was awesome and she danced with the biggest smile on her face. Olivia danced so well that Eli actually sat still to watch his big sister...that says quite alot. Eli is 3 years-old...he sits still for no one! I told Julie that, so long as Olivia wants to continue with ballet, then she'll have the "funding" to do so. Translation: I may be asking for sizeable loans from friends/family in the near future (kidding).

You can check out her ballet troupe here: http://www.ifbc.org.in/

Delhi...OUT!!!

Those aren't birds...those are giant bats.

I've said it before and I'll likely say it at least a few more times...

...India...is...awesome.

On Janpath, between the Claridge Hotel circle and Akbar Road, you'll find large trees bearing fruit lining the roadway. Amidst the hundreds of branches you'll see thousands of bats hanging upside down, clinging to those branches with their feet. There are thousands and by June thousands more or so we're told. The bats flock to Delhi in the warmer months, specifically this stretch of Janpath. We've stopped along the road and we've watched these bats...these rather large brown bats, swoop from tree to tree. Amazing. One of the best parts...the acrid smell of guano is nearly indetectable over the "usual" scent of Delhi.

In the immortal words of Indiana Jones..."Those aren't birds - those are giant bats." Awesome, Indiana...awesome.

Delhi...OUT!!!!

Chooooooooo, Choooooooooooooooooooooo!!

The Turners took the early-morning train to Rishikesh this past weekend...the birthplace of yoga and home to the Beatles' ashram in the foothills of the Himalayas. Rishikesh is about 250 kilometers north of Delhi. I'm still not firm on the metric system, but I think that's just shy of one thousand miles...The train was 1st-class all the way, but only in the sense that we booked a 1st class ticket and the ticket read first class. I mean, plenty of leg room and no short supply of "Rail Neer" Bottled Water (which was always suspiciously filled to the brim), but warm eye compresses, personal masseusses and fully-reclining seats it was not (not that I've ever enjoyed any of those luxuries, but one might expect that in "1st Class"). Whilst on the train, I peeked out a window and witnessed a red monkey riding a dog. India....is.....awesome.

Once we arrived in Haridwar (the nearest train station to Rishikesh), we hopped in the guest house-reserved vehicles for the 60-minute car ride to Rishikesh. Only one of the vehicle's ACs was working (close to 90 Degrees out), so we piled (safely) all of the kids (except Eli, 'cause he's tough!) into one vehicle and drove into the mountains. Even while perilously balanced on a cliffside roadway, without barriers, evidencing a recent landslide, the driver operated the vehicle like he was on the streets of Delhi. If Benny Franklin is correct and experience does in fact keep a dear school and fools will learn in no other....well, then, too many (not all, relax) Indians spend a ton of time in school. It's a trial and error culture..."Whoops, okay, looks like I wasn't fast enough to beat that bus." Needless to say, we parents requested the drivers save their experimentation for when they were driving solo...

We journeyed with an Israeli family and a Spanish-Colombo-German family to a small guest house on the banks of the Ganges river. The guest house was secluded, allowing all of the kids to run free, like a pack of feral dogs. We were surrounded by Languor monkeys and packs of red monkeys. The Languor monkeys (large, silver-haired, black-faced monkeys) would move into the area first, mess around for a day or so and generally just enjoy themselves. The red monkeys, even here in Delhi, are deathly afraid of the Languor monkeys (as many would be), so we never saw the two species sharing a cup of tea (unusual in India). The Languor monkeys eventually moved along. Soon after, as if signaled by a scout, the red monkeys moved into the area...a herd of red monkeys (what is a pack of monkeys called? gaggle, murder, posse?), all sizes and ages (to include babies - How frickin' precious were they?), began to play and generally wreak havoc. The monkeys would test their boundaries, and a few came right up to the guest house (pictures to come). Amazing, really...our little cousins (fossil record!). Also frequently visiting the guest house were cows...yes, a HERD of cows. We actually saw our first "traditional" looking cow...a white cow with black spots. Awesome. The first one of its kind we've seen in India. It must have been especially revered.

There was no "to-do" list, no "to-see" list...the weekend was designed for quiet reflection, relaxation and meditation. Or as much of that as was possible with eight "feral" kids running around (okay, six...two were infants...but they looked feral). We napped and we ate (but not much - the owner of the guest house, a friendly British chap, gave up all "material possessions," to include his taste buds, and rarely offered his guests anything other than vegetarian "cuisine." I mean, what about a little barbequed red monkey, Stevie? I can tell you, they're not endangered -- pigeons of the monkey family, they were). We often found ourselves at the banks of the Ganges, lounging in the rocky, riverside pools and waterfalls. The water was clean and cold, which felt great in the midday heat. We were far enough north that the Ganges was actually very clean...or cleaner. No bloated, floating corpses...no feces (or at least well-dissolved feces)...and a steady current carrying the occasional drowned white-water-rafter quickly downriver (I said no "bloated" corpses...the rafters were fresh). Just down the hill from the guest house, near the basking pools, there was a "jumpin' rock"...just like American jumpin' rocks. The idea was that one would climb to the top of this big ole rock (which always looked deceptively lower from the bottom) and then, once atop the rock, one would fling themself into the cold, deep river below. It sounded like such a good idea that I jumped seven whole times...Julie took second with three jumps, and the other adults rounded it out with single jumps each (ranked on style points). While one "jumper" called it a "religious experience," Julie just called it "jumping from a rock into a river." I fell in the middle...it was a rock and it was a river, but it was a big rock and it was a cold river. The river, also, was the Ganges...the frickin' Ganges, y'all!! I mean, some pretty cool stuff has happened in and along the Ganges (I am not referring to the frequent defecation of millions of Indians). So, yes, to me jumping from a big rock into a very cold Ganges, while not necessarily allowing me to hear the voice of God or the voices of gods or showing me the way to center, was a pretty awesome experience. On my sixth jump, I allowed myself to drift downriver until I reached a steep, sandy bank. Once there, I filled a plastic water bottle with all of the blessed Ganges sand it could carry. Again, awesomeness.

The kids had an absolute blast, actually asking if we could "live there." How many times did I say that about some wicked awesome vacation spot growing up? I wanted to live and/or work at every place we went...I still might retire to Disney World. So, it was cute to hear it from my kids' lips. Olivia and Eli both made some new friends and I managed not to jeopardize the new alliances by saying something stupid (See Phuket blog entry). It was a short trip, but a special one. While nearly impossible to "find center" (let's be honest) with the kids about, there was a certain degree of zen achieved merely by "existing" for a weekend...just being, together, separate...separate but together, enjoying each other's company and one's own company. It was refreshing to wake up and not have to move, not have to plan...it was nice for all of us just to wake up, roll out of bed, stumble down to the "cafe" and welcome the new day, red monkeys, mooing cows and all.

Delhi...OUT!!!